I Surrender . . .

“I surrender my need for security, affection and control. I surrender my need to change what I am experiencing in this moment. Welcome. Welcome."

These words are part of a gentle and down to earth prayer called "The Welcoming Prayer", which I learned at an event with Mary Dwyer and hosted by Minnesota Contemplative Outreach. Bit by bit, this little prayer is beginning to shape me. People tell me that I do not often appear anxious in front of groups. I have yet to decide whether that impression is more a positive result of my diligent practice or the shadow side of my habitual tucking away inconvenient and uncomfortable feelings. Perhaps it is a bit of both. The truth is that public speaking does weigh more heavily on my mind and my body than I would like or others can see. Especially during the last few days of preparation, I notice a tightness in my chest and an impulse to keep coming back to revise my notes. Some tension might help give me an edge, but too much seems to disturb my sleep and centeredness. When this nervous anticipation skews my focus and energy, I have learned to minimize the amount of detail work I attempt until the event (and its emotional drain) have passed.

This sensation is precisely where the Welcoming Prayer becomes most valuable to me. I will leave it to the teachers to provide a more robust explanation, but let me tell you what I found helpful before and during my most recent presentation. When the tightness in my chest or the clenching in my jaw grew particularly strong, I would pause for a few moments and attempt to let my attention follow what I was actually feeling. Rather than push it all down and bully on, I watched more closely and allowed myself to experience the sensations.  Then I said, "Welcome. Welcome." I prayed, "Lord, I surrender my need for security, affection and control. I surrender my need to change what I am experiencing in my body right now."

Gently and repeatedly, I came back to this prayer for days. I cannot say that it alleviated all my discomfort, but I can sense that the practice has helped set my feet upon an important path. I found myself more and more turning toward the physical and emotional content of my body as another dimension of my relationship with God. With each prayer I trust a little bit more that the Divine Healer is at work in me. That makes me appreciate a simple form of prayer that reminds me to surrender to that sacred process and helps me return to whatever form of service is at hand.