Befriending Your Limits
By the time you find yourself drawn to the phrase "befriending your limits," you have likely built a home between a mountain and a shoreline. The desire to seek new perspective may well be an invitation that involves some element of discomfort . . . and a dash of hope. This peculiar mix suggests to me that God is at work and that it is time to pay attention. We cannot help but respond with honesty.
There is a story told from the desert monastic tradition that reminds us of the importance of limits:
A hunter in the desert saw Abba Anthony enjoying himself with the brethren and he was shocked. Wanting to show him that it was necessary sometimes to meet the needs of the brethren, the old man said to him, "Put an arrow in your bow and shoot it." So he did. The old man then said, "Shoot another," and he did so. Then the old man said, "Shoot yet again," and the hunter replied, "If I bend my bow so much I will break it." Then the old man said to him, "It is the same with the work of God. If we stretch the brethren beyond measure they will soon break. Sometimes it is necessary to come down to meet their needs."(Benedicta Ward, trans. The Sayings of the Desert Fathers, revised ed. Kalamazoo: Cistercian Publications, 1984, 3)
I hear similar tensions in people's lives when they say that their vacations were not quite as restful as they had hoped or when they stand at the threshold of a busy season and acknowledge their weariness before the rush even begins. What healing is the Spirit wanting to work in our lives? How do we practice gentleness with our bows?
Start with a sense of friendship. Limits are not simply obstacles or inconveniences for us to overcome. They are real and basic measures of our humanness which will be our lifelong companions. I suggest treating them like a close friend who knows you well and who just might have something to teach you.
Re-introduce yourself. Acknowledge a limit you are facing and welcome it. Begin the friendship anew today with a sense of gentleness, patience and lovingkindness.
Listen closely. What wisdom does this particular limit at this particular time have to offer?
Speak with integrity. Be as honest with yourself as possible because it is at this intersection of listening and speaking that we discern our most faithful steps forward.
Anticipate a long friendship. The eventual ease and transparency of deep friendship only emerges over a series of many encounters. There will be times to celebrate and times to forgive. Trust that each encounter nurtures the bond.
Exercise loyalty. This friendship with your limits means something in daily life to the extent that it affects the choices we make. Do not leave it to rare moments of silent retreat, but walk each day with this companion in full light.
Should you like to take befriending your limits a more practical level, I suggest trying one or more of these exercises:
Flip through a magazine until two images capture your attention. One to describe where you are and another where you would like to be. Cut them out and let them lead you toward reflection.
Imagine a time when you honored well your limits. What behaviors or circumstances helped you then that may also be relevant now?
Choose a story from your life about a limit you faced. Write or retell the story with the limit personified. What does s/he have to say and how do you notice yourself responding?
Begin experimenting with a self-care protocol. What are three steps which, if taken regularly, would help you care for your bow? Which one is essential and could begin today?
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